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The Balance of Power


Boy: Hello?
Girl: Hi, it's me.
B: Oh, hi.
G: That's not a very enthusiastic hello.
B: Well, the last conversation we had ended on a bad note so....
G: I know, I know.  I was just upset.  So...what are you doing?
B: Uh, actually, just been working on some songs and stuff.
G: Oh I see, I get it.
B: Get what?
G: Just, get what you are doing.
B: What am I doing?  I'm just trying to get some work done.
G: You need some space to work on your own stuff.
B: Uh yeah is that okay?
G: Of course it's okay! I mean, I have stuff to work on too.
B: I should hope so.
G: But it's just that I don't need so much space.  I know you're a guy and sometimes you're gonna do the  "rubber banding" thing.....
B: Rubber banding?  What the fuck are you talking about?
G: Oh, it's from this book I am reading about relationships...
B: Uh huh.
G: Yeah, it talks about how sometimes, when a guy has had his fill of intimacy in relationships,he needs to go back to his like, proverbial cave and regrow his testosterone and stuff.
B: What?! Okay, first of all, there is nothing wrong with my testosterone levels and second, who said this was a relationship anyway?
G: Well, I....okay.  Well, we have been sleeping together for two months now and like, even went to brunch a few times so I just thought....
B: Yeah, we are just sleeping together.  Listen, I like you a lot but you just need to chill on the relationship stuff.  Just let things happen naturally.
G: Naturally.  I know.  I thought things were happening naturally.
B: Let's just see how things go, okay?
G: Oh I will.  I am.  I'm just going with the flow....letting you retreat to your man-cave until you need an affection refuel.
B: Ugh.  Please don't say "man-cave" it is so vile.  So you read a stupid book and now you are an expert on the way men think?
G: No, not just men.  I'm learning about myself too.  Like that women interpret the "rubber banding" phase as an affront to their openness.  We need love and affection all the time and we don't get why men could possibly need alone time so we get really defensive and clingy and it makes the man push away more causing a vicious emotional cycle.
B: It's true, girls get so mad when I want to have some time to myself.
G: "Girls?" There is more than one?
B: No, I mean in general.  There are no other girls right now.
G: Right now, huh.
B: Ah!  You are the only person I am sleeping with, okay?
G: Okay, it's perfectly clear, I was just kidding anyway.  I understand everything.  I am just going to leave you alone then and not be offended when you don't text or email back, cause you are simply replenishing your male energy and I am simply understanding that.
B: So that is all you have to do is understand? Shouldn't you be like, gathering estrogen or something?
G: No, I just have to be patient and wait for you to come around.
B: Well, I don't like you just waiting around, it puts too much pressure on me.  You should be filling your time up with other stuff.
G: I'll try.  It's hard though.  Like truthfully, my mind is so preoccupied with thoughts of you.  I just care about you, you know.
B: I know, I know.  Just, you gotta be cool.  Doesn't the book say anything about being cool?
G: I don't think there is a section about "being cool" but I'm not done reading it yet.
B: Seriously though?  I could write a self-help book for girls, it would be so easy.
G: Oh yeah?
B: Like, Chapter 1:  Chill Out.  The End.
G: Good one.
B: If every chick just learned to chill-the-fuck-out, then maybe they could keep a boyfriend for longer than a month.  Problem solved.
G: Oh yeah, you just reminded me, it mentions in the book that men are always trying to come up with solutions for women's problems instead of just listening like we want.
B: Well we are not mind readers for chrissakes.
G: God, I don't think I would actually want to see inside your mind.
B: You definitely wouldn't.  I mean, did a guy write that book?  Cause there is some sick shit going on in a dude's head that probably shouldn't be revealed in a book form.
G: Actually yes, it was written by a man and he doesn't seem like a sicko at all.  He probably has a really good relationship with his wife.  He's like, super rich from the book and has been on Oprah and stuff.
B: Betcha he's a complete and total Psycho.
G: Psycho or not, I'm learning a lot about the fundamental differences between men and women.
B: Alright, fine.  Okay, I gotta go.  I'm in the middle of a song. I think it is gonna be good.
G: Okay, you want to hang out later?


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